Announcement: April 1^st 2017

As the United Kingdom launches the process of leaving the European Union with little clarity about its destination, a new kind of higher education provider launched today is set to re-define the university destination.

The University of Nowhere will break free from outdated notions of a university for either ‘somewhere’ or ‘anywhere’ and will specifically aspire to prepare its students to be ‘nowhere’. It’s mission will be truly aligned to an ‘exit’-ential paradigm, inspired by the Prime minister’s words: “If you are a citizen of the world you are a citizen of nowhere”.

Future citizens of Nowhere will absorb ‘nowhere’ values of sub-democracy, infra-equality, dislocated-universalism and dis-respect. They will be equipped with a toolkit of powerful ‘nowhere’ skills to help them achieve un-mastery, in-coherence and post-social dis-integration.

Aiming to be truly beyond-trend and well ahead of the curve, the university will help to establish a new zeitgeist for our post-diverse world, moving beyond thought-leadership – beyond thought itself. The university will be neither fact-factory nor wisdom-workshop but post-factual and un-wise.

Going forward, departments led by eminent professors Zamyatin, Huxley and Blair will specialise in the radical new disciplines of Fake News studies, Science Denial, Linguistic Obfuscation, Disruptive Logic and Fuzzy Innovation.

The project is a collaboration between the University of Poppleton (prop. Laurie Taylor at T.H.E.) and the Accademia San Seriffe, drawing on the degree awarding reputation of Chump University, North Virginia.

The university’s inspirational motto will be ‘Going Nowhere…Fast’

To facilitate communication, all teaching will be in the universal language of Esperanto.

Courses are open to all but please check the date of this announcement before applying.

See also: University Gold (October 2016)